apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
