I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
