Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
farters have to be the big spoon...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
