my sisters under your porch take her home
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
