Betty ford says i'm here all night
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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