just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
