I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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