I wish my penis had an off switch
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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