Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
