I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
