(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
