I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize