i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
