Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
