I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You are a genius and a whore.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
