Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize