please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
