To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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