This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
