We won't sleep together?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
