I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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