Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
