it was like his penis was on wheels.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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