and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
