Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
