dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
