one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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