Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
