Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
