I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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