I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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