The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The air was thick with penises
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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