atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
