go do what you do best...puke behind churches
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
