around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
