Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
