Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
