I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You ruined the universe
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
