so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
