I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
