talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
