so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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