So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Swine flu. Run for my life!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
