why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
