im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
