i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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