I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My balls are so social today.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
