I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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