party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
