Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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