capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
