I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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