It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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