Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
