Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
