and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
