Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
