A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
