Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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