if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
