is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize