I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
