i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
