did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
