apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
