Please, let me fuck your mom
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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