I'd wear matching sweaters with you
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
