well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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