Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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