Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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