I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
